Trauma Survivors Blog

Harm hurts, no matter the intent. Even if someone didn’t mean to upset you, your pain is still real, and you are still allowed to feel it.

The holidays are framed as a season of joy, connection, and celebration. Every commercial is filled with smiling families, every song on the radio insists it’s the “most wonderful time of the year,” and social media is overflowing with decorated trees and cheerful traditions. But what if you don’t feel that way?

Sometimes the hardest part of processing trauma is that your abuser didn’t mean to hurt you. Maybe they were struggling with their own pain. Maybe they were mentally ill or overwhelmed. Maybe they didn’t know better because no one ever treated them with kindness either. And yet you still got hurt.

When people talk about “splitting” in BPD or trauma recovery, they usually mean seeing other people in extremes like all good or all bad, safe or unsafe. But what doesn’t get talked about enough is how often we turn that same harsh lens inward.